SILENCES OF DARKNESS

             

       As I go to sleep, as I put my head to rest; as my head hits the pillow which messes my hair; I lose myself in the labyrinth of slumber and dreams that make no sense at times but still make me wish they were true. I sleep with aspirations and dreams of a seventeen year old. I sleep as my mind is filled with confusions and is scared about the future. I decide the end of my story every night and it changes- like every other thing that exists. Sometimes I am 81 and wrinkled and happily married. Sometimes I am 60 and alone and happy. Many a times I am not even 25 properly and it ends. Every night, before I sleep I create my story, I create scenarios in my head, I also in the process decide the fates of everyone else in my life; none of it with the slightest certainty. Some nights I am irrevocably in love with the idea of love, other nights I hate it with utmost passion. Sometimes I want to give back to the universe everything that it has given me and on other nights I want to shout at the top of my voice and tell it that its vastness doesn't bother me. Of course none of it actually happening. These are just mere musings of my mind but then again who is to ascertain that isn't the truth?

            The entire world is sleeping and silences are drowned in darkness. But it’s not the same inside my head. Everything resembles my art, my colour and my silences. It is at this hour that I truly belong to the world and yet feel the urge to leave everything and dive into the abyss of possibilities. Inside my head- it’s bright and colourful and the noisiest. And as soon as I close my eyes, darkness finally wraps me and cradles me to sleep.